A Second Glint of Gold
by Aleanbh
Summary: A newly-married Lisbon reflects on just how far she and Jane have come.


Every now and then, Lisbon becomes aware of the glimmer, the glint of gold at the base of her left hand's ring finger. It happens more rarely now as she gets more used to her ring's presence there, but still manages to catch her unawares at times. She is married. She and Jane have been married. That they have made it this far, after everything makes her think of their first days and years in each other's lives, but she is determined not to let her golden haze of present happiness cloud the reality of the harder moments of their earliest years. It wouldn't be right or fair, wouldn't rightly acknowledge how far they have come. And she has always been a realist: they have come very far indeed.

There is one thing that rings clear with Lisbon. She had not spent so much effort with Jane because she'd been in love with him – for one thing, back then she _hadn't_ – he'd been a burden to her, little more than a general annoyance and a very occasional gem. She hadn't been trying to fall in love with him, she'd been trying to be the best senior agent, the best Boss to them that she could be, giving a good example to her team, enforcing discipline, showing common sense and guidance, and giving to them the help they needed. It had just happened that Jane had needed her help more than most.

And so she'd found herself going easy on her team, it might be said, her good, _good_ team, as she'd watched Minelli often go easier than needed on her – because he had known of her, as she has known of her own: that they are true. Try as hard as she might to be as by-the-book as she'd like to be, to be the stickler for the rules Jane needed to keep him somewhat on the straight and narrow, she'd found herself swayed from the rules, by Jane, by the world, and in the end, by herself. For despite the brave facade she had relied, and relies still upon so often, she has known all sides: she has known what it is to be the victim, to be the helpless, to be the one left behind, has known what it is to be afraid. It is so clear to her but she sees how it must look from beyond the small group of people who know them so well.

She cringes at the thought that others might – and surely must, after all – have of her, her going easy on Jane, defending him, perhaps letting him off easy in all those instances back in Sacramento, not coming down as hard on him as she might have, when otherwise he'd have been out on his ear. She sees how it must look from the outside, she letting Jane off, caring too much, riding on the back of Jane's successes, never more so than now, with her position as a top agent with the F.B.I.. It's proof you can't win: to those from her past she has followed Jane here, to those here she has wormed her way in through Jane. It has crossed her mind that her pride would be more intact had she not come here with Jane, had she not _stayed_ here for Jane. Her fear is that those around her, both behind and before, will now discredit every individual thing she's had to do with Jane and Red John and everything from the last ten years as her long play in attracting Jane to her. For someone so independent and who has been so dedicated to her career as she has for so long, the thought hurts, but Lisbon quickly realises it is no matter. Enough people – the people she cares about, know her, know them, know the truth of the situation, and to be perfectly honest, she finds she doesn't really care about many others, doesn't care what strangers think. She is a fine agent, and they will see that, have already begun to see it. And besides, she _is_ in love with Patrick Jane.

She sees how it appears, more generally, she does, the two of them together now, married even, two stubborn old friends who had both always wanted a little more, finally giving in, years down the line and settling into the inevitable as they approached the outer brink of youth together. Simple, it must seem.

But that's not how it had been. It hadn't felt that way. Perhaps the initial attraction was inevitable, yes, but that these two, both a little lonelier than they'd liked to let on, have forged a lasting relationship out of and in spite of the hardships they'd been through, both alone and together has been little less than astonishing when she takes the time to think on it, something which is a rarity now.

Although long a thoughtful person, Lisbon has found lately that she is too busy enjoying living the life she'd previously only dared to dream of in her contemplative hour to be constantly thinking on its meaning now that she has it wrapped around her finger in a gold band. That said she sometimes still does find herself thinking on how her life and Jane's, their lives together have ended up turning out. She had not spent so much effort with Jane back then because she was in love with him, it has crossed her mind, but perhaps she is now in love with him because of the effort she had put in with him, how far she has seen him come, how far she has helped and allowed him come.

She realised that she is his second gold. She loves this. No more and no less, it stands to what they have seen through together. She has watched him come out of himself and back to himself once more, has tried to coax him so – at times infuriatingly. She has watched as he has fallen in love with life again, and has watched as he has fallen in love with her.

And so it still happens sometimes, a thought come unbidden to her now and then; when she sees the glint of the gold of her wedding ring, or the glint of the second gold of Jane's, maybe, and knows, after years of watching the flickering sorrow from the lighted glint of a different ring, that this glint, that this second glint is hers.


End file.
